7/27/2025 7:00 PM
its not selfish to say no, right?
i just realized my trauma response brain says if anything is abt myself, im being selfish
like no, i wont say anything abt being overstimulated bc its unfair for me to make everyone have to leave bc I PERSONALLY am overstimulated
or like
someone wants me to do smth
but thing is detrimental to my mental health
and i say no
WELL NOW I FEEL BAD
EVEN THO IF I SAID YES ITD MAKE MY NEXT DEPRESSION EPISODE COME A FEW DAYS SOONER
idk i was always told not to make everything abt myself any time i did anything and now i cant tell whats selfish and whats not
even now, i feel bad about being mad about this bc im "trying to justify feeling selfish"
but
this isnt, right?
three quarters my brain says everyone will hate me if they see this
the other quarter says im too submissive and its damaging my mental health and this is completely justified
...
and i genuinely dont know which is right
sigh...
3/30/2025 12:47 AM
bro im having a panic attack rn my friend's mom almost caught me venting to him and called my mom but turns out she saw nothing and was calling abt our plans for seeing the mc movie
this happened like an hour ago and im still panicking is this what a panic attack is
i don't want to experience tmrw
so much happened today that can't be taken back
i made a promise that i wouldn't kms tho, if not for me, then my friends
...
i js remembered sh existed and i suddenly have the urge to do it
...
i'ts been an hour since this happened why am i still panicking there's no way they can know what we said
...
i want it all to be reset
wishing undertale was real and i had the most determination on earth
i could reset
and not make the same mistake
and take amnetics or something
why is the world like this
why are my parents like this
i want to be normal
